Musings of a PhD Student

Two years ago, when I started this site, I thought I had it all figured out. I was in the very early stages of my PhD work and thought I was going to be focusing on how EQ could improve leadership performance in schools. I hadn’t planned to bog about it but I think it makes sense to. Here’s the thing: It turns out that doing a PhD is hard. Really hard. And amidst many sleepless nights of writing papers, examining primary research and reading more journal articles than I can fit on a very large bookcase, I had to let go of many things, and socializing is one of the casualties. I don’t know if I should apologize or be happy (in some way am more peaceful in this solitude). In fact I think there’s a silver lining: As I near the end of 2nd year… I think it just ended actually –I am learning that as much as I had it all mapped out… I didn’t!. Part of why I wanted to do a doctorate in educational leadership is because I wanted to contribute to building better, effective educational leaders. This site represents my experience into that, with musings based on research, articles and books I’m reading. While the updates are sporadic right now, they probably will be less so in the coming months. Think about it.. I had planned and even applied for an MBA to run concurrently with this PhD. But that would have been a cakewalk compared to the dissertation I’m starting after data collection if I succeed in my proposal defense- which in itself qualifies to be a phenomenological study of the lived experiences of being a PHD student in Moi University. But that is a story for another day. My Phd is a correlational study of EQ, Instructional Leadership and Learning Outcomes. I have mused together with my supervisor as to what the DV is IL or LO. We finally agreed last week that it is LO. That being clear, I am using adapted standardized instruments.. the MSCEIT for EQ and PIMRS and the SAQ for IL.. and for learning outcomes my employer has been gracious to allow me to use Baseline data on EGR and EGMA in the counties I lead in implementing the Primary Reading and Math Initiative. Essentially, that means I’m going to have head teachers who fit into this demographic (school leadership) about what they’ve experienced, and synthesize the information to find the essence of the experience through filling in the MSCEIT and the PIMRS. They will then have teachers under them to rate them on the SAQ. Trust me, it’s more complicated than it sounds. But I can’t wait to get started. This is a topic that is very personal to me and very relevant this area of education– Bush and Oduro say that Principals are appointed on the basis of years spent in the system rather than by any leadership traits or values that they exhibit. Ayiro says leaders with high EQ post better learning outcomes. So if we have horrible results like what we always cry about, we have a leadership problem… The problem can’t be solved until it is documented. I want to say a few things about this journey. Over the past two years, I’ve grown more than I ever thought possible. This is not a journey of regurgitating facts and philosophies – it’s about being able to desegregate information in a completely new way and look at things with a judicious eye. The only experience that I can think of to compare to it would be having children – it is very persona, and will never be the same even if you had more than one child. In other words… there is no expertise on a PhD journey, there is only experience. .. I never could have comprehended what it would be like without going through the experience I have had first-hand. The greatest change of perspective I have had is how I look at faculty… I do look at faculty in a whole new way. You may see them as just having expertise in a very niche area (certainly!) but doing something like this involves more than just learning subject matter. It completely changes the way you think and process information. I look back at the person I was two and a half years ago and know that person would have annoyed the heck out of the person I am now. So, please cut them some slack. Do they know everything? Certainly not. And the good ones will admit that. But don’t disregard what they are saying either. They may be able to help you look at information in a way that you never would have considered otherwise. PhD, for all intents and purposes the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve hated parts of it, but looking back now it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I much prefer the person I am today over the person I was two and a half years ago, and that’s entirely because of this experience. Yet more is yet to come. I have had a good measure of frustration and exhilaration too… So it takes me back to what LPA told me a few years ago... “If you want to be a true Dr, you must allow yourself to suffer… punish yourself at the altar of excellence.” If you are planning to do a PhD by all means do it.. you will grow by leaps and bounds…and you will of necessity read A LOT!!!